Like, besties – Prime Minister Mark Carney (yep, the ex-central banker turned politician) legit turned his recent press conference into, like, a whole mood board for Canada’s future. He spilled tea on tariffs, cash moves, culture moments, and even NATO glow-ups.
1. Tariff Tango: Carney Plays Nice but Keeps Some Claws Out. So, Canada is, like, low-key lifting some retaliatory tariffs on U.S. goods to keep Trump talks alive. But hold up – we’re not totally folding. Steel, aluminium, and auto tariffs? Still there. It’s giving “diplomatic but savage,” because, duh, you don’t mess with Canadian steel vibes.
2. Buy Canadian Is Literally the New Black. He dropped a C$5 billion “Buy Canadian” strategy fund to make federal projects, provinces, and even cities, like, go local. Think maple-leaf lumber, hockey-grade steel, and some tech sparkle. Plus, a Strategic Response Fund (also C$5 billion) to keep small biz and fishers from drowning in tariff drama.
3. EV Mandate Timeout Because, Like, Chill. The Federal Government iced the 20% EV sales mandate for 2026. Why? Automakers are already stressed over those massive U.S. steel and aluminum tariffs. So, yeah, they get breathing room – call it a cute lil’ pause for sanity.
4. Canola Farmers Get VIP Treatment. Carney’s showering C$370 million in biofuel incentives to canola growers because China slapped on big tariffs. He literally called them “resilient heroes of the Prairies” – like, queen energy for farmers.
5. Internal Trade Glow-Up: One Canadian Economy Act. Carney said, “By July 1, Canada will basically have free internal trade.” He’s axing barriers so goods and workers can zip across provinces. Permits for projects? He wants them fast-tracked, because slow approvals are sooo last year.
6. Austerity but Make It Fashion. He warned Canadians to brace for mild austerity – trimming some programs while still going hard on defence spending and infrastructure upgrades. NATO’s 2% spending target? Canada’s hitting it early. Global power chic, anyone?
7. TIFF Shade: Carney’s Cinematic Clapback at TIFF 2025, while opening John Candy: I Like Me, Carney tossed a light dig at Trump: “Don’t push a Canadian too far.” The audience (Ryan Reynolds, Eugene Levy, Candy’s fam) screamed – total TIFF mic-drop moment.
8. Carney the Brainy Boss: Meet Your PM. FYI, Carney only became PM on March 14, 2025, after winning Liberal leadership. No elected office before! He’s a PhD economist, scrapped the consumer carbon tax on day one, and is navigating G7 politics, Palestine recognition, and wild U.S. trade vibes like a pro.
9. Big Picture Vibes? Diversify, Defend, Deliver. He wrapped up by saying Canada has to stop relying on one big trading partner. “This is a rupture, not just a transition,” he said. Translation: diversify trade, defend sovereignty, and deliver results. Classic Carney mic-drop.
So, yeah, Carney’s nine-point press-con glow-up is giving major “Canada but make it fearless.” From tariff tango to TIFF shade, he’s serving strategy, sass, and serious vibes for Canada’s next chapter.
But like, let’s be real, besties — even with all these bold moves and mic-drop moments, Canada is sooo not out of the woods yet. The economy is still, like, majorly fragile, and those U.S. negotiations could totally swing either way. Experts are warning that one wrong step or a new tariff tantrum could undo a lot of this progress. So yeah, Carney’s giving us fierce leadership vibes, but the maple-leaf squad has to stay on its toes — the glow-up isn’t guaranteed just yet.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Where tariffs, TIFF, and total drama get their glow-up
