Okay, babes, let’s talk about Pierre P. — because oh my gosh, he has been on one these last few days. Like, ever since Prime Minister Mark Carney’s little White House hangout with Donald Trump didn’t end in fireworks and free trade unicorns, Pierre’s been acting like Carney personally cursed the Canadian economy and gave him a sunburn.
So, here’s the tea: Carney flew down to D.C. on Tuesday to meet Trump, hoping to get those brutal U.S. tariffs on steel, aluminum, and softwood lumber lifted. There were vibes that something major might happen — Trump even teased that Canadians would be “going home happy.” But plot twist: no deal. Just some polite handshakes, awkward smiles, and a promise to “keep talking.” Classic.
Cue Pierre.
On Monday, before Carney even packed his passport, Pierre was already in the House of Commons throwing shade: “Tomorrow, the Prime Minister is going to the White House to announce this deal – surely he’s not just going for a photo op.” Like, okay Pierre, relax. No one said “full elimination of tariffs.” The PMO literally just said those sectors were priorities. But Pierre’s move? Invent a fake promise and then attack Carney for not keeping it. Iconic gaslighting energy.
Then Carney, trying to be diplomatic in the Oval Office, mentioned that Canada has invested $500 billion in the U.S. over five years — and could invest another trillion if a trade deal goes through. You know, a friendly reminder that Canada’s kind of important to America’s economy. But Pierre P. spun that faster than a TikTok dance trend. Suddenly, he’s like, “Carney’s gonna force pension funds and insurance companies to send money to the States!” Um, what?
When Carney clapped back that the private sector exists (ouch), Poilievre doubled down. In his Thursday presser, he basically accused Carney of selling out Canada — while conveniently ignoring that Trump’s tariffs are what’s actually hurting the economy. Like, Pierre, babe, it’s not that deep.
By Friday, Poilievre was painting this whole tragic portrait of terrified Canadian families “white-knuckling” it at their kitchen tables, as if Carney personally repossessed their toasters. But reality check: most economists have said it’s Trump’s tariff tantrums — not Canadian policy — causing all this chaos.
At this point, Pierre’s blame game is getting cartoonish. If Trump sneezes, it’s Carney’s fault. If it rains in Ottawa, must be Carney’s tax policy. Like, The Guardian literally reported that Norway was bracing for Trump’s mood swings over the Nobel Peace Prize decision — so maybe, just maybe, it’s not the Canadian Prime Minister making the world weird.
And while Pierre’s ranting about “economic collapse,” Canada’s job numbers actually improved last month. StatsCan said employment rose by 60,000 in September — mostly among people aged 25 to 54. Sure, there were some declines over the summer, but the labor market’s not in the dramatic free fall Pierre P. keeps describing.
Here’s the thing: Poilievre isn’t dumb. He knows Carney didn’t cause Trump’s tariffs, or invent global inflation, or ruin anyone’s weekend barbecue. But he’s betting that you don’t know that — or that you’re just too tired to check. Because outrage, babes, is the easiest political currency there is.
So yeah, Pierre’s not solving anything— just pointing fingers, stirring chaos, and maybe rehearsing for a soap opera cameo. “The Bold and the Blameless,” starring Pierre Poilievre as Canada’s most dramatic man.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Where the sun burns bright, and Pierre P. still blames Mark Carney for SPF failure.
