Okay, let’s get real for a second: why is it that when a woman says, “I was raped,” people start picking her story apart, but when a man says, “That guy hit me,” everyone’s like, “Oh no, let’s arrest him and press charges?” It’s frustrating, heartbreaking, and honestly, infuriating. And it happens all the time.
Just look at recent cases like Conor McGregor (Ireland), Donald Trump (USA), and Bruce Lehrmann (Australia). These high-profile allegations didn’t even go to criminal court — they all settled in civil court. As we noted in the article covering the Conor McGregor case recently, there’s like, a whole trend of powerful men being held accountable civilly when the criminal court system lets women down. And criminal courts let women down, like, alot.
This is because a judgment in civil cases are based on the “balance of probabilities” whereas criminal courts require “proof beyond a reasonable doubt”, which is super hard when it comes to rape cases. Often, sexual assault cases become a “he said” and “she said” drama which is impossible to prove beyond a reasonable doubt.
But you have to wonder… if a man punched another man in the face and the police came to arrest him and press assault charges, what if the man who committed the assault simply said… “But he asked me to punch him in the face?” Would the police believe him? Would you? It seems to be a lot easier to press charges for assault.
So why don’t we believe the women who claim men raped them? Why does the #believeher hashtag exist in our culture?
Taking the scenario further, what if a man punched a woman in the face, and the police came to arrest him and he told them she asked for it? Would they believe him then? I think it is likely they would believe her, not him.
Then, doesn’t it feel like the probability of the woman being believed drops when sex (rape) is involved in some way rather than a simple assault?
I mean, sure, some women may want rough sex from time to time (very rarely—don’t believe everything you see online), but I think the ones who want to be beaten until they are bruised, bleeding, and end up in the hospital are rare to non-existent. And yet, in many cases, police don’t bother to press charges because they know a criminal conviction is near impossible.
Police still do nothing even with civil pay-outs or resolutions that scream, something happened here. Yet, even with these outcomes, people still rush to defend the accused, dissect the victims’ stories, or write it off as a money grab. Women have to fight harder to be believed, even when evidence supports their claims.
Meanwhile, when a man says he got punched, no one’s asking if he provoked it or made it up. It’s just, “Wow, that sucks, man,” and the justice system often jumps into action. The difference is stark and unfair.
So, What’s the Fix?
Honestly, it starts with listening and believing survivors. It mean starting from a place of trust, not doubt. We also need to stop expecting women to prove their trauma with a courtroom-level defense every time they speak up. Studies show false accusations are incredibly rare, but you wouldn’t know that from how people react.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about pitting one group against another. It’s about creating a world where every survivor — woman, man, or anyone else — is believed and supported. Because right now? We’re failing women, big time.
What do you think? How can we start changing this dynamic?
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
