Okay, babes, grab your oat milk latte because Ottawa is basically giving us budget season drama. Prime Minister Mark Carney — yes, the former banker turned political heartthrob — is gearing up to drop his government’s Nov. 4 budget tea in a Wednesday night speech to a bunch of students. Because, honestly, where else would you try to make fiscal policy sound cute?
But before his big debut, Carney’s been speed-dating opposition leaders — Pierre P. of the Conservatives and Yves-François Blanchet from the Bloc — hoping someone will swipe right on his budget plan. Spoiler: nobody’s really in the mood.
So here’s the sitch. The Liberals are, like, three votes short of a majority, which means if the other parties ghost them on budget night, we could totally be heading for another federal election. And Steven MacKinnon, the Government House Leader-slash-Minister of Transport (busy much?), says he’s so over the “ludicrous” prebudget demands coming in from the Conservatives and the Bloc. “We’re two weeks from the budget,” he sighed dramatically. “Canadians are looking for certainty.” Translation: can everyone chill?
Pierre P., meanwhile, rolled out his wish list in an open letter that basically says “no fun, just cuts.” He wants to keep the deficit under $42 billion (uh-huh), slash taxes on income, capital gains, homebuilding, and even fertilizer — calling them “hidden taxes on food.” Steven MacKinnon called that “imaginary,” which is like politician-speak for “girl, please.” Pierre P. clapped back saying his plan is “very reasonable,” which is definitely the tone of someone about to start a food fight in Question Period.
The Bloc Québécois isn’t exactly sending heart emojis either. Their leader, Blanchet, told reporters his party’s budget vibe could be summed up as “no oil and gas subsidies, thanks.” He also tossed a little shade, saying, “It’s their responsibility to find somebody to vote with them.” Basically: not my problem.
Carney’s upcoming speech will apparently promise to spend less to invest more (like a fiscal Sephora sale, I guess?). He’ll talk up a new “Climate Competitiveness Strategy,” an immigration plan, and a “talent-attraction strategy” — because Canada is always trying to seem cool enough for global talent. He’s also got major goals to boost non-U.S. exports over the next decade. Like, diversify your trade portfolio, queen.
But economists aren’t exactly lighting candles for this plan. Randall Bartlett, Desjardins’ deputy chief economist, dropped a report saying the deficit could actually hit $70 billion — or maybe even $92 billion, if you’re asking the C.D. Howe Institute. “While a debt downgrade isn’t imminent,” Bartlett warned, “Canada’s AAA status shouldn’t be taken for granted.” Ouch. That’s like being told your credit score is still good but maybe don’t buy another yacht.
And yes, the pandemic-era debt-to-GDP ratio is still having its main character moment — jumping from 31% to 47% before calming down to 42%. Carney says he’s planning to use deficits for “growth,” claiming, “We’re going to grow this economy like it has never seen before.” Which, let’s be honest, sounds like something you’d say before maxing out your credit card.
Meanwhile, NDP interim leader Don Davies says his party won’t back any “austerity” budget, which is basically a polite way of saying, “we’re not helping you cut corners.” So unless Carney pulls a rabbit out of his economist hat, this budget could be the confidence vote to end all confidence votes.
And if it flops? Well, babes — it’s election season all over again. Better start shopping for campaign merch.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Where the spreadsheets meet the side-eye
