Omg, okay, so like—get this—the Liberals barely squeaked through their first big “are-you-still-in-charge?” moment, and everyone on Parliament Hill was basically holding their breath while pretending not to care.
So yeah, on Thursday night, the House of Commons had this super-dramatic vote about Mark Carney’s government’s budget—like, the kind of vote where if they’d lost, we’d all be dusting off our campaign signs again. But nope, they survived. 198 MPs said “you go, girl,” and 139 were like “absolutely not.” The Bloc Québécois and the NDP totally teamed up with the Liberals, which was kinda expected but still, like, ugh politics.
And then—because there’s always tea—four Conservatives ghosted the vote completely. Matt Jeneroux literally quit that same day (talk about an exit!), while Michael Chong, Laila Goodridge, and Shannon Stubbs also didn’t vote. Chong said he tried but had “technical difficulties,” which is, like, the political version of “my Wi-Fi died.” One NDP MP, Jenny Kwan, also didn’t vote, and nobody seems to know why. Maybe she had better plans? Anyway, MPs can vote online, so… yeah.
Earlier that day, the Liberals’ House Leader Steven MacKinnon’s office was like, “BTW, both Thursday and Friday are confidence votes,” meaning if the government loses either, boom—election time. His spokesperson Mark Kennedy was super serious about it: if we lose, it’s campaign season, babe.
Now the House is basically wading through this pile of amendments about the budget, which is, like, political Inception. Thursday’s vote was about a Conservative sub-amendment to a Bloc amendment to a Liberal motion—literally a Matryoshka doll of Canadian politics. Friday’s vote is on the Bloc amendment itself, and then everyone’s peacing out for the Remembrance Day break.
Traditionally the opposition leader gets the first crack at tweaking the government’s budget motion. But this year? Pierre P., Mr. “Everything’s Broken,” didn’t even bother. He gave his budget speech and just… didn’t move an amendment. So Bloc Leader Yves-François Blanchet totally snatched the moment, like, “fine, I’ll do it myself.”
The Bloc’s amendment basically said, “We hate your budget,” and then listed four things they wanted instead, which the Liberals ignored. So then the Conservatives swooped in after and tried to one-up the Bloc by wiping their wording and inserting a list of Tory-approved priorities, including keeping the deficit to $42 billion.
Conservative finance critic Jasraj Hallan got all fiery in the House, saying, “When we look at this budget, there’s absolutely nothing in there for the everyday Canadian.” Like okay, dramatic much—but fair, I guess. The Bloc wasn’t having it though. Their spokesperson Joanie Riopel basically threw shade in an email, saying the Conservatives’ sub-amendment was sus because it erased the Bloc’s text. “I stress the Conservative sub-amendment,” she wrote, “because yesterday they forgot to move an amendment, so we put forward one in their place.” Oof. That’s what we call a Parliamentary burn.
And here’s the kicker: the Liberals only survive if everyone else doesn’t team up against them. Right now, they’re just two votes short of a majority, so every single confidence vote is like walking in heels on black ice—possible, but dangerous.
As for the NDP? Interim leader Don Davies gave major fence-sitter energy. He said the NDP hasn’t decided whether they’ll support the Liberals’ budget yet (like, pick a side, Don). But he did say they couldn’t back the Conservative amendment because, quote, it was all about “more pipelines and austerity,” which is basically like saying, “we don’t do fossil fuels or financial dieting, thanks.”
So yeah, in summary: the Liberals survived to slay another day, the Conservatives are still salty, the Bloc is petty in French, and the NDP’s pretending to be mysterious.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Where the Wi-Fi’s weak but the shade is strong
