Okay babes, like, let’s talk about the man, the myth, the eyeliner-wearing legend: Ozzy freaking Osbourne. He was, like, literally the godfather of heavy metal and also, like, the reason your boyfriend wears leather jackets and listens to music that sounds like a thunderstorm made out of electric guitars.
So first off, Ozzy was born John Michael Osbourne in Birmingham, England, in 1948 (ancient, I know). And let’s just say, poor baby did not have a cute start. Like, he dropped out of school at 15, couldn’t read very well, and even got arrested for burglary (um, yikes) and spent a few weeks in jail because his dad wouldn’t pay the fine. Talk about tough love.
Then, he joins this lil’ band called Black Sabbath in 1969—and boom! Literally, boom, because that band like, exploded the whole idea of rock. They were dark, doomy, and soooo anti-flower power. Everyone was all peace and love, and Ozzy was like, “No babes, we’re summoning demons with riffs.” And people were into it??? Like, obsessed. Their debut album dropped in 1970 and was basically the birth certificate of heavy metal.
And he wasn’t just, like, a one-band wonder. Even after getting kicked out of Black Sabbath in 1979 for being too much of a hot mess (even by rock star standards), Ozzy went full solo icon with albums like Blizzard of Ozz (um, “Crazy Train”?? Hello, anthem). He gave us wild vocals, sick guitar solos (shoutout Randy Rhoads, RIP), and, like, all the haunted mansion vibes.
BUT OKAY—let’s not pretend this man was all eyeliner and Grammy wins. Ozzy had, like, the darkest dark side. We’re talking drugs, alcohol, arrests, biting the head off a live bat during a concert (not planned, and yes, so gross), and even domestic violence stuff with his wife Sharon (she forgave him but like… girl, why?). He literally once said, “I did so much cocaine I had to have my stomach pumped twice.” That’s not a flex, sweetie.
Still, he pulled off, like, a total image rebrand in the early 2000s with The Osbournes reality show. And suddenly, the Prince of Darkness was just this weird British dad yelling at remote controls while his dog peed on the carpet. Iconic behavior tbh.
Ozzy just passed today, rich (net worth over $220 million, babes), mumbling to the last moment, he was still low-key terrifying. He’s battled Parkinson’s for many years, had major surgery, and like, should have retired a long time ago—but he kept saying he wanted to perform “one last show.” So he did. Like, sir. Just haunt a castle or something.
And like, let’s be super clear: without Ozzy, there is no metal as we know it. No Slipknot, no Metallica, no spooky screaming in the woods. He made it okay to be dark, weird, loud, and like, kinda evil but make it fashion. He invented an entire genre where being a freak is hot. That’s legacy, honey.
So yeah. Whether you love him or think he was, like, a walking horror story with a wallet, Ozzy Osbourne changed music forever. And honestly? That’s so metal.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
“We don’t bite bats… unless it’s, like, symbolic or there’s a vibe.”
