So like, Prime Minister Mark Carney is reportedly naming Mark Wiseman — yes, that Mark Wiseman — as Canada’s new ambassador to the United States, aka the most stressful job in the country right now. According to sources (who are being mysterious because cabinet secrecy is so “no phones allowed”), the appointment got the cabinet thumbs-up on Thursday, with a public announcement coming soon. Translation: it’s basically a done deal.
Wiseman, 55, is set to replace Kirsten Hillman, who’s been holding it down in Washington since 2017 — including six years as ambassador while Canada dodged tariffs like it was playing economic dodgeball with Donald Trump. Hillman announced she’s stepping aside so Carney can “put a team in place” ahead of the looming USMCA review in 2026, which, let’s be real, means things are about to get spicy.
Now here’s where it gets juicy. Wiseman has zero diplomatic experience. None. Zilch. Nada. But what he does have is a résumé that screams “Wall Street group chat.” Former CEO of the Canada Pension Plan Investment Board, senior roles at BlackRock, chair positions at Lazard Canada and Boston Consulting Group — the man speaks fluent finance. One source said Carney picked him because Trump and his inner circle would respect those financial bona fides. Basically: speak finance bro, survive Trump.
And honestly? In a world where Trump slapped 35-per-cent tariffs on Canadian goods that don’t comply with USMCA rules, that logic tracks. The USMCA has been Canada’s emotional support trade deal, keeping most goods tariff-free thanks to carveouts. With renegotiations expected in 2026, Canada is clearly sending someone who doesn’t flinch at billion-dollar balance sheets.
Still, it’s not all power suits and polished LinkedIn energy. Wiseman was forced out of BlackRock in 2019 for failing to disclose a consensual relationship with a colleague — a company policy violation. Not illegal, not criminal, but very “HR would like a word.” These days, he chairs Lazard and sits on Carney’s advisory council on Canada–U.S. relations. Casual pipeline.
Cue the outrage. Conservatives and the Bloc Québécois are already warning Carney against appointing his long-time friend, seizing on Wiseman’s past comments as a co-founder of the Century Initiative, which advocates growing Canada’s population to 100 million by 2100 through immigration. In a 2023 post, Wiseman shared a line saying the goal should be policy “even if it makes Quebec howl.” The Bloc heard that and said: absolutely not.
Conservative Leader Pierre P. went full attack mode, saying Wiseman has shown “contempt for Quebec.” Trade Minister Dominic LeBlanc rushed in with the fire extinguisher, stressing the Century Initiative is “not government policy and never will be.”
And because there’s always more, Conservatives also flagged Wiseman’s past criticism of supply management. LeBlanc shut that down fast, insisting Canada “will not negotiate supply management with the Americans,” even though Trump wants more access for U.S. farmers. The dairy lobby is watching.
Hillman summed it up best: the next ambassador must quickly build bridges with Trump’s White House, Congress, and Trump’s allies beyond Washington — and, above all, listen carefully to Trump to “find a path forward that works for Canada.”
So yeah. Canada is sending a finance titan, a friend of the PM, and a walking controversy into Trump’s America just as trade talks get real. Risky? Totally. Strategic? Also yes. Giving “vibes over diplomacy”? Just a little.
No pressure.
XOXO, Valley Girls News
Sending thoughts, prayers, and spreadsheets
