OMG babe, remember when social media was, like, actually social? When people posted random selfies with flash on, blurry concert pics, or like, their cat doing something weird? Well yeah, that era? It’s basically dead. Social media isn’t social anymore—it’s, like, totally professional now. It’s not giving “here’s what I ate today” vibes anymore—it’s giving resume, portfolio, sponsored by oat milk lattes.
Like, scroll through your feed. Do you even see your friends anymore? Nope. It’s all influencers selling collagen powders, brands pretending to be relatable, and your ex’s cousin who suddenly thinks he’s a content strategist. And babe, even your yoga teacher has a logo now.
So like, what even happened??
Okay so first, welcome to the age of the personal brand. It’s not enough to be a person anymore—you gotta be a brand with a vibe, a color palette, and a Reels strategy. Like, if you’re not optimizing your content for engagement by 9am on a Monday, are you even online?
And babe, the algorithm? It’s like a toxic boyfriend. He only shows you what’s hot, trending, or polished. Casual stuff? Like a random pic of your iced coffee and a chaotic caption? Blocked. Shadowbanned. You’re basically invisible unless your post is edited, curated, and TikTokified.
Speaking of TikTok, it literally ruined authenticity in the cutest way possible. Everyone’s performing, whether they know it or not. Like, even BeReal turned into “BeFake with better lighting.” You were supposed to snap in the moment, not wait until you’re in full glam at brunch with your PR girlies.
Also? Can we talk about how people don’t even post anymore? Like, your bestie from college? She just watches stories. Your old roommate? Lurks. No one’s actually sharing their lives unless they’re monetizing it. It’s giving ghost town with filters.
And babe, privacy? Never heard of her. Everyone’s terrified of being screenshotted, cancelled, or ending up in a reaction meme. So instead of sharing stuff like “ugh I’m crying over Grey’s Anatomy again,” people are just, like, sending voice notes on iMessage and vanishing from the grid.
Honestly, the vibes are off. Social media used to feel like a sleepover where everyone brought their weirdest self. Now it feels like a networking event where you need a pitch and a ring light.
So yeah, social media? It’s not where we go to connect anymore. It’s where we go to perform. And honestly? That’s kinda tragic.
Miss you, 2014 Instagram.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
We Report, You Repost
