Okay bestie, buckle your hiking boots and pour yourself a triple-shot oat milk latte, ’cause the world’s elite political sleepover just dropped in the middle of nowhere — welcome to the G7 Summit in Kananaskis, Alberta, where global leaders are like, trying to save the world and keep their blowouts in place at high altitude. We’re talking power plays, awkward alliances, and a Trump-Carney moment no one saw coming.
But first, what even is the G7 again? So quick refresher for the girls in the back: the G7 is this bougie lil’ club of the world’s wealthiest democracies — Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the UK, and the US. It’s basically the Met Gala of geopolitics, except instead of slaying red carpets, they’re slaying inflation, climate doom, and, like, wars.
Oh, and spoiler alert: Russia’s not invited. Again. They got kicked out back in 2014 after that whole Crimea invasion thing (ugh, dramaaa), and now the G7 is staying strong at seven like, “Sorry Vlad, annexation is not part of the agenda.”
Trump + Carney = Tense AF. Now onto the main event: Donald Trump — still very much Donald Trump — showed up in Kananaskis with all the vibes of a reality TV host lost on a mountain trail. But the real plot twist came when he sat down for a chilly little fireside chat (well, okay, conference room chat) with Mark Carney, Canada’s ex-central banker turned climate crusader and global finance daddy.
Trump’s first words? Reporters caught him muttering, “So you’re the guy lecturing me on carbon while flying in private jets?” Like, ouch. But Carney didn’t even flinch. He clapped back with a classic Canadian smile and hit him with, “We’re all here to move forward, Mr. President — the data speaks louder than politics.” Burn, but make it policy.
It’s Getting Cold in Here — But Not Climate-Wise. The summit’s being icy on a few fronts, especially with climate goals on the table. The EU is pushing hard for stronger emission targets by 2030. Canada, hosting and low-key flexing its gorgeous scenery, wants the summit to commit to phasing out fossil fuel subsidies finally. But Trump? He’s doing his classic “drill baby drill”, insisting America won’t “sacrifice growth for woke energy policies.”
A European delegate was overheard whispering, “It’s like trying to negotiate with a gas station.”
Where’s Russia? Still Ghosted. Russia being excluded is, like, very much the vibe again this year. G7 leaders even issued a joint pre-summit statement saying, “There can be no normalization with Russia while it undermines international law.” Translation? “Sorry babe, you can’t sit with us.”
So, Like, What’s Actually Gonna Happen? Here’s what’s on the G7 agenda (besides passive-aggressive eye rolls at Trump):
- New climate finance deals — Canada and Germany are pushing a fund to help low-income countries transition to renewables. Yas, green queens!
- AI rules — Yep, they’re worried ChatGPT might take over their jobs too.
- China containment vibes — Especially on supply chains and rare earth minerals.
- Ukraine, obviously — Expect another big financial package to help Zelenskyy keep going.
And like, bestie, don’t expect signed treaties or groundbreaking peace pacts — the G7 is more of a “We talked and took a photo” kind of thing. But the messaging? It matters. They’re setting the tone for the next year of global politics.
So What’s the Valley Verdict? Honestly? This G7 is giving hot mess at high altitude. Between climate shade, Trumpian tantrums, and Russia’s eternal time-out, it’s less kumbaya and more Kardashians-on-a-ski-trip chaos. But still, Carney’s keeping the receipts, and the world might just get a little less doomed.
So remember babes: the world is wild, but you don’t have to be. Just follow one news story a day (hellooo ValleyGirlNews.com, duh), sip your espresso, and breathe. The world can wait — but your peace of mind? Non-negotiable.
Catch you up soon, queens.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
