Okay so like, picture this. It’s Wednesday morning, you’re sipping your matcha, scrolling through Truth Social for the drama (as one does), and Donald Trump—yes, that Donald—randomly drops a post saying now’s a “great time to buy stocks.” Like… huh?? No context, no chill, just straight-up stock hype.
Fast forward four hours later and boom, out of nowhere, Trump announces he’s putting a “temporary pause” on those big scary tariffs he’s been ranting about for months. The same tariffs that had everyone from tech bros to Wall Street traders spiraling. So like… the markets? They went full manic pixie dream girl. The Dow shot up over 500 points. The S&P 500 was glowing. Nasdaq was thriving. Everyone’s group chats were like: “wait… did he just pump the market???”
Like hello?? People immediately started connecting the dots and let’s just say, the vibe was off. Because who even does that?? Tells millions of followers to buy stocks and then drops a policy shift that literally makes those stocks jump? I mean, if a regular person did that, they’d be in jail—or at least like, banned from E*TRADE.
Financial Twitter basically exploded. One trader posted, “Trump just did the financial equivalent of yelling fire in a crowded theater and then selling fire extinguishers.” And honestly, that’s not even dramatic.
A bunch of economists are raising their brows soooo high right now. Like Dr. Mira Cho from NYU said on Bloomberg, “We’re entering a zone where presidential candidates are acting like influencers—with market-moving power but zero regulation.” She literally said zero regulation, which is so scary and so real.
And the SEC? Oh my god. They gave the most “we’re watching but not doing anything” response ever. A spokesperson said, “We monitor statements from individuals with significant public influence,” which is basically code for “we see you but we’re too scared to move.” Like, babe, do something??
And let’s be honest, Trump has been playing this game for a while. But this time, it wasn’t just a rant about oil or TikTok. It was an actual financial signal, followed by a huge policy announcement that directly helped the market. Like, sorry, but it’s giving “I told you to buy so I could make sure your stocks popped off” energy.
People are now digging into whether he—or his friends, donors, whoever—had stocks positioned to win big from that tariff pause. And like, with Trump’s track record? It wouldn’t be shocking. His campaign already got millions from donors in industries that literally benefited from this move. One oil exec allegedly told CNBC that Trump “understands how to time a message.” Um. Yeah. That’s the problem.
Senator Sherrod Brown is now calling for a full investigation, saying this “goes beyond free speech and into the territory of market manipulation.” Meanwhile, Trump’s team is calling the whole thing “ridiculous” and saying he’s just “a businessman who gets how the economy works.” Which is kinda like saying a raccoon is just a cat who likes trash. Not wrong, but also not what you wanna hear right now.
Trump himself went back on Truth Social later that night and was like, “Of course the markets go up. I built the best economy ever and we’re doing it again!!” All caps, obviously. No mention of the part where he told people to buy before changing policy. Just vibes.
So yeah. Wall Street is shook. Twitter is messy. And the line between campaign strategy and stock market puppetry is basically nonexistent right now. If this was a Netflix show, we’d all be screaming “market manipulation!!” and waiting for the FBI to knock on someone’s door. But in real life? Apparently it’s just another Tuesday.
Want me to pull receipts on who made the most money or like, a breakdown of which stocks soared right after his posts? Because the tea is piping.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
