Okay, babes, grab your iced lattes because this World Series is officially in its main character era. Like, if baseball had an Oscars night, this would be it — the Los Angeles Dodgers starring Shohei “Literally Not Human” Ohtani just outlasted the Toronto Blue Jays in a six-hour Game 3 that was giving full chaos energy.
So here’s the tea: it’s 2–1 in the series now, Dodgers on top, and yes — Freddie Freeman ended things in the 18th inning with a walk-off homer like it was totally casual. The game started on Monday and basically ended on Tuesday. Somewhere between the third and fourteenth inning, Toronto fans went from hopeful to delusional to asleep.
Manager John Schneider was like, “The Dodgers didn’t win the World Series today; they won a game.”
And honestly, mood — but also, ouch.
Let’s talk Ohtani, because what is this man? A baseball-playing demigod? He reached base NINE times. Nine. That’s not a game, that’s a hostage situation for the Blue Jays’ bullpen. Every time his walk-up song — Michael Bublé’s Feeling Good — hit the speakers, Dodger Stadium turned into a Beyoncé concert. The crowd wasn’t just cheering; they were giggling. Like, full-on “he’s so dreamy” vibes.
The Jays, bless them, tried to pitch to him like he was just a regular dude. Mistake number one. First at-bat? Double. Second? Homer. Third? Another double. By the seventh inning, they were finally like “okay fine, walk him.” Too little, too late, babes. He already wrecked their ERA and their confidence.
And then — because baseball is messy like that — poor Brendon Little had to come in during the 17th inning when literally no one else was left. You just know Schneider was wishing he could throw a golden retriever on the mound instead. Little gave it his all for one inning… and then Freddie Freeman said “bye, sweetie” with a solo shot to center. Dodgers win, 6–5.
It was honestly cinematic. Brad Paisley shredded the national anthem on his electric guitar. Jason Bateman, Justin Bieber, Rob Lowe, and Magic Johnson were in the stands. And the vibes? Totally Hollywood. Meanwhile, George Springer got booed every time he breathed, pulled a muscle, and left the game — and they still booed him. LA fans don’t do mercy.
Toronto did have their moments: Alejandro Kirk crushed a three-run homer, Vlad Guerrero Jr. ran home like he was chasing the last flight out of LAX, and Bo Bichette had a clutch RBI. But it wasn’t enough. Every time they built a lead, Ohtani just casually erased it.
Even Jays third baseman Ernie Clement was like, “We grinded, battled our tails off, tired as hell.” Same, Ernie. Same.
Now the Jays are staring down a 2–1 series hole, and guess who’s pitching next? Yup — Ohtani himself. Because apparently ruining you at the plate isn’t enough; he also wants to do it from the mound. Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said, “He’s spent… but he’s taking the mound tomorrow. He’ll be ready.” Translation: Toronto, start praying.
Look, if the Jays want to survive this, they need a new rule — literally never pitch to Ohtani again. Like, walk him, serenade him, build him a statue, whatever. Just don’t throw him a strike.
Because right now, LA’s not just playing baseball — they’re putting on a full-on blockbuster. And Toronto? They’re stuck watching the credits roll.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Where the only thing longer than the innings is a heartbreak.
