Omg, babe, the 97th Academy Awards just went off at the Dolby Theatre in LA, and like, I cannot even. It was a full send of glitz, glam, and, obviously, drama—like, duh, what’s an Oscars without some chaos? And girl, Conan O’Brien as host? Iconic. His first time hosting, and he just ate it up—no crumbs. Like, I know they were stressed after last year’s snoozefest, so they said, let’s bring in the funniest ginger on TV and omg, it was such a slay.
But before we even get into the winners, the gossip, or the after-parties where celebs pretend to eat a single canapé and call it dinner, let’s talk red carpet lewks because, um, EVERYONE understood the assignment. Miley Cyrus rolled up looking like an actual alien superstar—BLEACHED EYEBROWS, dark lips, and like, beyond edgy. People were like, is this a PR stunt? And honestly, who cares? She looked so cool. Then there was Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo, literally floating onto the carpet like good witches from another dimension. Cynthia was giving Maleficent but make it couture, and Ariana? That girl knows how to serve a look. Demi Moore, who, btw, is aging backwards, was just like, Oh, I woke up and chose to be the most elegant person alive, no big deal.
And babe, the jewelry??? INSANE. Like, these celebs were out here wearing entire zip codes worth of diamonds. The brooch game was also out of control. Every man who’s ever read a single book in his life was pinning some deep-cut literary reference to his lapel like, yes, I am cultured, thank you for asking.
Okay, now for the gossip because omg there was no chill this year. Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner were, like, glued to each other, and the internet immediately started foaming at the mouth like, are they soft-launching their engagement or what?! And then, in what was possibly the most unhinged yet fabulous moment of the night, Adrien Brody and Halle Berry legit recreated their 2003 Oscars kiss—like, I swear, Hollywood runs on nostalgia.
And babe, I have to talk about Conan O’Brien’s monologue because it was, like, the exact right amount of messy. He straight-up called out Hollywood nepotism—and like, the camera IMMEDIATELY cut to Maya Hawke and Jack Quaid. Pls, the editing team knew what they were doing. He also made a joke about how actors are “brave” for doing bare-minimum stunts, and then Tom Cruise was out here giving a side-eye emoji in real time. But, like, don’t worry, Tom, we know you jump off stuff for fun.
And now, the winners, aka the reason we’re here but also not really. Best Picture? “Anora”—which, like, duh, everyone saw that coming from space. Sean Baker won Best Director for it, and honestly, well deserved. Mikey Madison was crying before they even called her name for Best Actress, and honestly, mood. Adrien Brody took Best Actor for “The Brutalist,” and like, yeah, he had to suffer in that role, so give the man his gold statue. Zoe Saldaña absolutely owned Best Supporting Actress for “Emilia Pérez,” and I just know her speech had half the room tearing up.
The after-parties? Babe, A24 was throwing one that was more exclusive than the actual Illuminati, and let’s just say a lot of deals got made over tequila shots. The Vanity Fair party was, as always, a who’s who of people pretending to have a totally normal conversation while making sure their stylist got enough pics for Instagram.
Honestly, this Oscars was one for the ages. Fashion? A+. Drama? 1000%. Conan? Needs to host again, like, immediately. Can’t wait to see how Hollywood one-ups itself next year!
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Image from https://www.harpersbazaar.com/
