Oh my gosh, okay, so like, let’s talk about Trump and his whole obsession with Greenland because, honestly, what even is this? So apparently, the U.S. has been eyeing Greenland for forever. Like, back in the 1800s, after they snagged Alaska, they were all like, “What if we buy Greenland and Iceland too?”—for, like, $5.5 million in gold, by the way. Then in 1946, President Truman straight-up offered Denmark $100 million in gold for Greenland because, you know, Cold War vibes and all that. Denmark was like, “Um, no thanks.” And honestly? Respect.
Fast-forward to now, and Trump, of course, has to make it a thing again. Like, he’s literally on Air Force One, saying, “I think we’re going to have it,” like he’s calling dibs on the world’s largest island. And he even said Greenland’s 57,000 residents “want to be with us.” Babe, who told you that? Because Greenland has been super clear—like, SO clear—they are not for sale. The Greenlandic Prime Minister, Múte Egede, was like, “Greenland is not for sale, and the Greenlandic people wish to remain independent.” Mic drop. And Denmark backed that up too. Their Prime Minister, Mette Frederiksen, called the whole thing “absurd” and said, “Greenland belongs to Greenlanders.” Like, can you even?
Trump is totally obsessed with Greenland because it’s, like, super strategic. I mean, it’s literally sitting in the Arctic, which is apparently, like, the new hot spot for all the cool geopolitical drama—think Russia, China, and the U.S. all trying to flex up there. Plus, Greenland is packed with natural resources, like rare earth minerals and all that, which Trump probably sees as, like, a mega jackpot. And don’t even get me started on how melting ice is opening up new shipping lanes—he’s probably thinking, “Cha-ching!” Honestly, it’s giving major real estate vibes, like he sees it as his next big property deal or something. But, like, hello, Greenland is not just some chunk of land—it has people and culture and everything!
But, okay, let’s entertain this for a sec. How does Trump think this would even happen? First off, Greenland would need to agree, and spoiler alert—they’ve said they won’t. They’re all about independence and doing their own thing. Plus, Denmark would have to approve, and let’s be real, they’ve already said “hard pass” multiple times. And then, like, the legal stuff? The logistics? Citizenship, governance, economics—yikes!
The rest of the world is, like, majorly side-eyeing this too. European officials are out here basically laughing, like, “This is not a thing.” Meanwhile, experts are all, “Um, Greenland is strategically super important.” Amanda Lynch from Brown University said Greenland is “our eyes on everything that’s going on in the Arctic.” Like, yes, the Arctic is a big deal now because of climate change and geopolitics or whatever, but this isn’t Monopoly. Michael Byers, another expert, put it best when he said, “This isn’t a chessboard. People live there.”
And let’s not forget about Greenlanders themselves. Trump is out here saying they “want to be with us,” but literally, where is he getting that? Greenland is all about self-determination and breaking away from Denmark someday, not getting, like, absorbed by another country. Lene Kielsen Holm, this amazing Greenlandic anthropologist, was like, “We have our own identity and are not interested in being a pawn in global politics.”
So yeah, this whole idea? It’s giving surreal vibes. Is there something we don’t know, Trump? Otherwise, Greenland and Denmark have made it super clear: they are not for sale. Trump might think he’s, like, a real estate genius, but Greenland is definitely not a golf course. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens next! Like, don’t be greedy and please pass the popcorn.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
