Okay, so like, the Canada–U.S. tariff drama is basically that ex who just won’t stop texting you. Every time we think it’s over, someone hits “reply all,” and boom — another international incident.
So here’s the latest episode: Donald Trump — yes, still the main character in his own reality show — told reporters on Air Force One (because of course he did) that Prime Minister Mark Carney apologized for Ontario’s super spicy anti-tariff ad. Apparently, the ad had the audacity to quote Ronald Reagan saying tariffs are bad — which, spoiler alert, he actually did say. But Trump? He’s like, “Nah, Reagan loved tariffs,” which is… not how history works, Donny.
Anyway, Trump’s like, “Mark apologized, we had dinner, I like him a lot,” then immediately goes, “But no, talks are off.” Classic breakup energy: “We’re on good terms, but I never want to see you again.”
Meanwhile, Ontario Premier Doug Ford — Canada’s resident political wild card — is basically sipping an extra-large Tim Hortons and going, “What? The ad was iconic.” He even called it “the most successful ad in the history of North America,” which is such a Doug thing to say. The man compared Canada to the Toronto Blue Jays in the Washington Post, bragging about how “Americans are underestimating the Jays.” Babe, they’re underestimating your foreign policy skills, too.
And get this: while Ford was busy playing PR guru, the U.S. Senate was like, “Um, maybe we end these tariffs?” and four Republicans actually voted against Trump. So the drama has gone international, bipartisan, and maybe even cinematic.
But it doesn’t end there — because in true Canadian fashion, the premiers are now forming a polite mob. Manitoba’s Wab Kinew and Ford are leading the “Mark, we need a meeting” brigade, basically texting Carney like, “Hey bestie, can we talk?” They want a First Ministers’ meeting, since apparently the last one was, like, a summer Zoom call.
Everyone’s frustrated because Canada’s economic sectors — steel, autos, softwood, you name it — are all getting hit harder than a puck in the Stanley Cup finals. Kinew even said, “We’ve made a number of concessions, and I haven’t seen any progress.” Translation: this group project has gone off the rails, and someone needs to take Trump’s phone away.
Carney, for his part, is in Asia pretending everything’s chill, while Trump’s out there threatening to slap another 10% tariff just because he can. It’s giving long-distance relationship problems — but with trade deficits.
Now, every premier from Nova Scotia to B.C. is chiming in like, “Yes, please, let’s have a meeting,” because apparently the only thing scarier than Trump’s tariffs is Canadian federal silence. Ford even said, “We always need more information,” which is basically politician-speak for “We’re in the dark, girl.”
So yeah, the tariffs saga continues — Reagan quotes, dinner diplomacy, Blue Jays metaphors, and all. It’s been five years, three trade wars, two apologies, and one really bad TV ad, and somehow, we’re still here.
Honestly, if this were a Netflix show, we’d all be binging it with subtitles on, wondering when the finale drops. But it’s Canada–U.S. relations, so the answer is: never.
Next time on Tariffs & Tim Hortons
Will Doug Ford drop another “world’s best” ad during the Super Bowl?
Will Mark Carney finally schedule a First Ministers’ meeting, or will he just “accidentally” stay in Asia forever?
And will Donald Trump ever realize Ronald Reagan wasn’t his tariff soulmate?
Tune in next week for more trade tantrums, apologies in business casual, and diplomatic ghosting — brought to you by the same crew who turned maple syrup into an international bargaining chip.
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
Because in this never-ending saga of Canada vs. Trump, the only thing thicker than the tariffs… is the drama.
