OMG okay so like buckle up babes, because we seriously need to talk about this hot mess express they’re calling the “Big Beautiful Bill”—or as Elon Musk is now calling it, the “Debt Slavery Bill” (yikes, dramatic much? But also… kinda fair??).
So like, what is this bill? Okay so Congress passed this suuuper thicc 1,116-page bill back on May 22, 2025 (like, maybe warn us before you drop a thousand pages of chaos?!). It barely squeaked by in the House—215 yes vs. 214 no—and let me just say, some of the reps are already like “wait…what did I just vote for??” (We’ll get to that tea later).
So what’s in it? Honestly, it’s giving tax cuts, border walls, and AI apocalypse. Here’s the cute little nightmare menu:
- Trump’s 2017 tax cuts? Yeah, they’re now forever.
- Tipped wages and overtime? No taxes. (Okay that’s cute, I’ll give them that one.)
- Military budget? Skyrocketed with $150 BILLION—because obviously, missiles are the new Birkin.
- $50B for Trump’s wall reboot (he still won’t let that go).
- States can’t make their own AI laws for like TEN YEARS.
- And Medicaid? Literally getting the Regina George “you can’t sit with us” treatment. Work requirements coming for everyone.
Oh, and like—just casual—this could add $2.45 TRILLION to the debt. The Congressional Budget Office was like: “lol good luck.”
Enter Elon: Not a Fan. So Elon Musk—yes, that Elon—who was like BFFs with Trump during his DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency… still LOL’ing), is now absolutely LOSING it over this bill.
He went full ex-boyfriend energy and called it a “disgusting abomination”, dragged it on X (Twitter RIP), and basically said, “don’t blame me, I wasn’t even allowed to read it.”
Why’s he so pressed? Well, the bill totally axes electric vehicle subsidies and low-key props up oil bros, sooo yeah, he’s mad. And same, to be honest.
Elon’s even teasing a whole new centrist party because, quote, “this is why America is a meme.”
And the Republicans Who Said “Yes” and Now Say “Oops”. Okay so this is where it gets kinda hilarious and also terrifying? A bunch of House Republicans who voted yes are now like “oh wait, I didn’t read that part.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene – Girlie said she didn’t see the part where states lose power over AI laws and now she’s like “wait I HATE that.” Sis, maybe flip past the cover page next time?
Mike Flood – He missed the part that like removes judges’ powers to hold people in contempt. Kind of a big deal, Mike.
Andy Biggs – He literally voted for Medicaid cuts that could leave 445,000 people in Arizona without healthcare. Which is cute coming from a guy who said he was against that before the vote.
Rob Wittman – He voted yes too, even though the bill expands a tax break that could like, benefit him personally (he made $105k in rental income last year…). Plus he was against Medicaid cuts before. Now? Crickets.
Basically, half of them were like “uh we didn’t know it was gonna be this messy.” Like girl, it’s 1,116 pages. You don’t skim something that size like it’s a Terms & Conditions page.
So What Now? The bill’s now in the Senate, and like, the drama is not done. Senate Dems are dragging it hard. Chuck Schumer even called it the “We’re All Going to Die Act”, which… not subtle, but okay Chuck.
The Senate’s version cuts out a few things (like maybe try not ruining the economy and the courts at the same time?), but honestly no one knows what will survive final negotiations. Musk is tweeting, Trump’s fuming, Republicans are pretending they don’t know what “AI” means—just chaos, babes.
So yeah: the “Big Beautiful Bill” is basically your ex promising he’s changed, then blowing up your group chat, maxing out your credit card, and deleting your Spotify playlist. Like… no thank you!
And honestly? If even Elon’s like “this is gross,” maybe it’s time to hit pause, reread the thing, and like… maybe not sign the national budget like it’s a yearbook.
#DoBetterCongress
XOXO,
Valley Girl News
